Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
