Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
