i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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