my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
