he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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