Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
