There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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