On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
