Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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