You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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