Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
