omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
