Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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