when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
