I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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