i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
