Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
