Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
