Your face is a jimmy john
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize