I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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