shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
