i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
