cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
