We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
