if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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