How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
