I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize