he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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