Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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