This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
