How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
