Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
