A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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