My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
