kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
