i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
