i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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