i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
