I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
