i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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