Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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