Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize