dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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