I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
