I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
