If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
