I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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