Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
