Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sex in a hospital.. check
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
