my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
