when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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