i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
