And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
