it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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