God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
