My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
