cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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