i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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