dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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