Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
