my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she told me i tasted like america
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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