I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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