WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
