I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
