I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
