i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
