i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
