Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
