Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
