i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
