I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize