Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize