You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
