careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
