Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
