Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
