There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
