You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
